Just for Fun


TAR ca. January, 1972 - January 2,1988	SPICE October 31, 1987 - November 21, 2001	BRUNIE February 31, 2002 - June 12, 2004
Tar was Keystone's first bull terrier. He was a gentle powerhouse who seemed to seek out ways to please us. He was an intelligent, brave, and fun-loving companion. "If there are no dogs in heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went." (Will Rogers). There are only a few pictures of Tar. Click here.	For fourteen years, Spice came to work with us every day. Although we said that she was the Collection Manager, all she collected were toys and cookies and the hearts of those who knew her. She was a very good girl. We miss her dearly. More pictures of Spicy can be seen by clicking here.	Bruno Magli was as sweet a dog as ever was. He earned his name by displaying a fondness for fine Italian footwear. He wanted to be on your lap all day, and under the covers all night. His black left ear is a marking that traces back many generations, linking him to Spice and Nathan. More pictures of him at Brunie.

The Bull Terrier Club of America rescues approximately 75-125 dogs each year. The combination of intelligence and sweet sensitivity that make them such wonderful companions, means that Bull Terriers in need have special requirements. Your check made payable to "BTCA Rescue" will be a blessing. It can be sent c/o Keystone, P.O. Box 284, Blooming Grove, NY 10914

Enjoy this four and one-half minute video, and then visit www.chrisbliss.com. Be sure to follow the link to visit
Chris's not-for-profit foundation, My Bill of Rights, for intellectual stimulation with a decidedly American slant.

"When I die I want to die like my grandmother, who died peacefully in her sleep....... not screaming like the passengers in her car".

Credit to Ray Schellhammer, who moved from Pennsylvania to Arkansas, thereby raising the per capita IQ of both states. (Is this gonna get us in trouble, or what?) Past winners are are the bottom of this page.

Non-filthy jokes can be e-mailed

. If published you will get name credit. Big deal. Best submission of the month will receive some worthless gift. Best of the year will receive a plaque and free psychiatric examination.

I leased my new blue pusher-walker thingie from Keystone Equipment Leasing and the payments are lower than I ever would have expected. And the tax savings? Incredible! Because this is a lease, I can trade up whenever my business requires a more advanced model. Working with Keystone was so easy. I just told them my monthly budget and they created a lease program that is perfect for my small business.

              Unsolicited testimonial
               Joseph Scott McClain
              Westerly, Rhode Island

When Joe McClain told me about his leasing a new blue pusher-walker thingie, I got a great idea. I asked him if Keystone would lease used equipment. "Sure," he said, "as long as it's coming from a reputable equipment dealer."

So here it is! My "brand new" 1949 Aeroflite Wagon. Now I can make deliveries in style to all of my customers without paying a fortune for a new wagon. Low payments and great mileage -- just what my business needed.

            Unsolicited testimonial
            Beryl Itzhak
            Yonkers, New York

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes that he is lost. He reduces his height and spots someone down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me. Can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am".

The man below says, "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude."

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost".

"Well," says the man below, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is, you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault".

Walking through San Francisco's Chinatown, a tourist from the Midwest was fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turned a corner and saw a building with the sign: "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry."

"Moishe Plotnik?" he wondered. "How does that fit in Chinatown?" So he walked into the shop and saw a fairly standard looking Chinese laundry.

He can see that the proprietors are clearly aware of the uniqueness of the name as there are baseball hats, T-Shirts and coffee mugs emblazoned with the logo "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry." There was also a fair selection of Chinatown souvenirs, indicating that the name alone has brought many tourists into the shop.

The tourist selected a coffee cup as a conversation piece to take back to his office. Behind the counter was a smiling old Chinese gentleman who thanked him for his purchase in English, thickly accented with Chinese. The tourist asked, "Can you tell me how this place got a name like "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry?"

The old man answered, "Ahh... Everybody ask that. Is name of owner."

Looking around, the tourist asked, "Is he here now?"

"Really? How did you ever get a name like Moishe Plotnik?"

"Is simple," said the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front is Jewish gentleman from Poland. "Lady look at him and say, 'What your name?' "He say, 'Moishe Plotnik.' "Then she look at me and say, 'What your name?' "I say, 'Sem Ting.'"

A man was leaving a 7-11 with his morning coffee and newspaper when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind him were 200 men walking single file.

The guy couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said "Sir, I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

The man replied "Well, that first hearse is for my wife."

"What happened to her?"

The man replied "My dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.

"Sir, could I borrow that dog?"

"Get in line."

Three Irishmen are being treated by a speech therapist for stuttering. The therapist is a real looker and very curvy. She is finding it very difficult to make any progress with the three men and so she decides to try a reward system. She tells the three that she will have sex with anyone of them who can tell her where they were born without stuttering.

The first Irishman stands up, says, "B-B-B-B-Belf-f-f-f-ast" and sits down in disappointment.

The second fellow says "D-D-D-Dublin" and also sits down with a sad face.

The third man says "London". In amazement the therapist immediately grabs him, takes into the next room, from where there are sounds of frantic lovemaking. After half an hour they return and the Irishman has a stupid, satisfied grin on his face.

Before restarting the session the therapist asks if there's anything that any of the men would like to say. The third Irishman raises his hands and continues "d-d-d-d-erry."

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Frank was excited about his new rifle. So, he went bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder.

He turned round to see a big black bear. The black bear said: "You've got two choices. I either maul you to death or we have sex." Frank decided to bend over.

Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it. There was another tap on his shoulder. This time a large grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said: "That was a huge mistake, Frank.

"You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough sex." Again, Frank thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it would take several months before Frank finally recovered.

Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a giant polar bear standing there.

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 80. Please be careful!"

"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

A lawyer & a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her & asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired & just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines & rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy & a lot of fun.

He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines & tries to get some sleep.

The chauvinistic lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer: "OK, how about this, if you don't know the answer you pay me only $5; if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer & searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem & searches the Net & even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends. All to no avail.

After over an hour of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the blondes & hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde & asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?"

Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.

A guy walks into a Shop-Rite. He picks out one can of tuna, a small jar of mayonaise, one lemon, and a small box of tea bags. The check-out woman says, "You must be single."

A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near-death experience. During that experience she sees God and asks if this is it. God says no and explains that she has another 30 or 40 years to live.

Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, and a tummy tuck. She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she's got another 30 or 40 years she might as well make the most of it.

She walks out of the hospital after the last operation and is killed by an ambulance speeding up to the emergency entrance. She arrives in front of God again and asks, "I thought you said I had another 30 or 40 years?"

God replies, "I didn't recognize you."

A man boards an airplane, and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Anxious to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "So where are you flying to today?"

She turns and smiles, and says, "To the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago."

He swallows hard, and is instantly CRAZED with excitement. Here's the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting RIGHT next to him, and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, "And what's your role at this convention?"

She flips her hair back, turns to him, locks onto his eyes, and says, "Well, I try to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really" he says, swallowing hard. "And what myths are those?"

She explains: "Well, one popular myth is that African American men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess this trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who romance women best, on average."

"Very interesting," the man responds.

Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed, and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I feel so awkward discussing this with you, and I don't even know your name."

The man extends his hand and replies, "Tonto. Tonto Goldstein."

Subprime Click to proceed through the slide show. This is an explanation of the collapse of the sub prime mortgage industry and the greedy bastards who played with it. (CAUTION: This Slide Show contains some written foul language.)